Becoming Nirvair - Hatefree

9 Jun 10

At the sangat last Friday, Namjeevan spoke about going from hateful thinking to extreme love , Supreme Love, over the last few months.  You can listen to her talk here.

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11 Jun 10

Here is a follow up email by Jaspal Ji (Namjeevan's husband):

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Ik Oankaar SatGur Prasaad
 
Please accept our Dandouth at your feet jee,
 
Recently our gunvanti (wife of God) and teacher NamJeevan Jee has gone through an amazing and powerful transition into Puran Sat Sant Hirda with the grace of Great Saint Tanraj jee.  Those of you who have listened to the recent audio from last week’s Sangat session will be familiar with this recent experience.
 
While this experience has been inspiring and amazing  - for me, it has been an interestingly beautiful journey, but that’s not to say that it’s been easy (not by any stretch of the imagination).  When Namjeevan openly expressed extreme love for another man (who is younger than me) it certainly rocked my foundations – big time!.
 
Hearing words like ‘I’ve never experienced love like this with anyone else’ and then discovering that they also share a history from previous lives which included romantic involvement amongst other things.  But more than this, the fact that this man also possesses the most precious and sought after gem that we all as Sangat yearn for (Puran Sat) – made me feel wholly insufficient and inadequate.  I felt like I didn’t belong to be in this space and that I was just excess baggage that has nothing to offer.  No prizes for guessing where these thoughts stemmed from – even though Knowing that these thoughts were being placed in me directly by my own flawed maya mind – it made the pain no less unbearable.
 
We shared our feelings with Namjeevan jee who tried so patiently to take us out of this pit of maya.  With God’s grace I am not a slave to maya in the sense of pubbing, clubbing, going out, late night TV, pornos, drinking etc – but I had become a slave to maya in the sense of attachment to my wife and children.  Namjeevan jee talks with other men all the time which I have had no issue with whatsoever, but when she spoke with and began to love a sant (who is a younger male than me) then maya took to the opportunity to step in and whisper thoughts of self pity, inadequacy and fear of loss into my ear.
 
I confessed my feelings to SatGuru Tanraj jee (who happens to be the younger male).  And asked for forgiveness for feeling jealousy of a GREAT soul.  I expressed my deepest darkest thoughts of inadequacy and fear in this scenario.  I pleaded Tanraj jee to help me through my sh*t.
 
Before we had Sangat last night Namjeevan jee told me that Tanraj jee had offered for Namjeevan Jee to phone him at midnight to do sift salaah of Paar Brahm and beautiful exchange of truth.  I tried to convince myself that I was OK with it – but I wasn’t.
 
The grace of Paar Brahm is infinite as when we sat for simran in Sangat we meditated on this current scenario and Dhan Dhan Paar Brahm Parmesar whispered gyaan into me for me to say ‘I Love You, I release you from my grip of moh’, at which point I smiled a true smile which then developed into extreme ecstasy.  I meditated on the scenario of Namjeevan jee talking (laughing and giggling) to Tanraj jee downstairs on the phone at midnight while I lay in bed alone, at this point I said ‘Get ready Paar Braham Jee cos here I come’.  This filled me with an enveloping peace and again, I smiled with excitement.
 
I spoke the words that Paar Brahm Jee gifted me to Namjeevan Jee to which she replied ‘Welcome to Love’.
 
How beautiful is this khel and how big and infinite is this love – Tanraj jee says that it only gets bigger and deeper (with no end) – Wow!
 
We read Tanraj jee’s reply to our earlier message just as Sangat left, Namjeevan Jee and myself laughed so hard at how beautiful Tanraj jee is (and how funny he is!!).  His mail to us was full of compassion, love, humour and encouragement – and for that we are eternally thankful to be at his feet.
 
This morning Namjeevan Jee and me enjoyed a great love filled exchange of Truth.  At last, I realised that there is no end to this thing called love – it is huge and it only gets hugerer (new word!).  I gazed into her eyes and said thank you, you are amazing, keep me at your feet – but allow me up sometimes to give you a little kissy – then I’ll put my mathaa back down where it belongs – at your feet.
 
How thin this veil of maya is??!!!  Where Paar Brahm imparts his Puran Sat the veil flys off like a chunni in a soft breeze uncovering the beauty that is PURE TRUTH.
 
DHAN DHAN SABH BRAHMGYAANI, SANT, SATGURU, BHAGAT SABH JUGAAN DEY
SATNAAM SADA SADA SATNAAAM

Jaspal.