Family and Raising Kids

Baba ji said, “do role reversal in your family.  Let your wife play the role of the husband and you the wife.  For example, we should cook and clean everyday and let her come home sit and relax.  Let her be the husband and experience what it is like to be in control.  Will give her freedom.   Then with the kids, let them be the parents.”

We replied we do that with the kids sometimes and it is quite humbling to see them act out our bad qualities of telling them off and nagging them all the time!

Baba ji said, “see that is how God shows you how it feels to be controlled!”

[We noticed that Pritam Anand ji was doing role reversal with his new wife Lyn. She was very shy and in a new country with a new family, so by making her the husband role, it was bringing her out of her shell and confident to speak up and say things.  Whilst Pritam Anand ji was doing all the cooking.  However, we saw Lyn was much more comfortable going back to cooking and cleaning and staying quiet in the background.]

Baba ji added, “encourage children to do what they enjoy.  Let them express themselves.  Let them be free and find out for themselves as per their bhaag (destiny written on their forehead).  Let them know the difference between right and wrong, but don’t restrict them or their lives.  If you do, they wil only hate you as they grow up and commit suicide or do those things anyway in secret.  And God has given them birth in this western culture, then let them live as per this culture – “when in Rome do as the Romans do.”  Don’t try and force old culture on them, will mess them up.”

Pritam Anand ji said that he explained to his 15 year old son about choices.  He said to him, “enjoy now, but then struggle later.  Or study now and enjoy later.”  He said he pays for the kids needs eg tuition fees, but they have to work for their own money to pay for their own comforts like mobile phones or holidays with their friends.  His older daughter is 19 and has a white boyfriend for the last two years.  Pritam Anand ji said, “he is a nice guy and he only said to his daughter if you find someone who is into drugs and you get into a bad situation then that is the consequences of your choices.  So choose well and she has.  No restrictions from him on her life.”

When his son wanted a sleepover at his friend’s house, Pritam Anand ji said, “all I need to know is that you trust that friend and you are safe and you have an emergency phone to call home on.”  Then the rest he leaves to SatNaam, so there is no attachment (MOH) which would then cause fear of what may happen to his precious son, which would then lead to him trying to control his son’s choices and making his son hate him in the process.

We remember hearing Will Smith saying about his kids that while they are trustworthy, they get more freedom and more responsibility.  If they break the trust, tell lies and cheat the parents, then they get less freedom and responsibility.  So trust has to be earned as well.